...to my heart. Though, as near as it is, it really isn't all that dear.
The internet is an amazing thing/place. It is a melting pot of so many different personalities, and for some, it is a venue to socialize, as we can clearly see with the rampant popularity of social media, blogging, and podcasts. Interestingly enough, there are a lot of people out there who, like myself, happen to have trouble being as eloquent in person as we are through a screen. For some, it's a shyness factor. For others, it might be a social anxiety issue. For me, it's Asperger's Syndrome, and it's a very real thing.
Many people today hear the phrase, "Asperger's Syndrome" or "Aspie" as some call those who have it, and it conjures the image of a severely disabled autistic individual who is unable to function normally within society. Let me assure you, there are many, many of us, adults no less, who are not in that category, and unless we tell you as much, you'll probably just think we're a little weird, or in some cases, insensitive.
For those who aren't "in the know," AS is a condition that is considered to be on the Autism spectrum, however instead of entailing the verbal communication disabilities and cognitive issues that tend to surround autism, those with AS instead have issues understanding and interpreting the social cues around them. Myself, for example, have difficulty understanding one tone of voice from another, and place much more stock in what a person says over how they say it. It is quite often missed as far as diagnosis is concerned, and many people who have it, often do not find out until adulthood, well after they've discovered and created their own ways of coping and socializing. For some, this may be putting on an overly social front, being extremely outgoing, happy, and friendly, and never seeming to know when to calm down. For others, this may be going to the opposite side of the spectrum, and choosing to withdraw from people, avoiding socializing due to its difficulty. In my case, I find myself to be a fairly extroverted person, however I stay very quiet and withdrawn until I know people well enough to be able to accurately "mirror" them, reflecting their expressions and moods back to them so it gives the appearance of being in social "harmony."
I am writing this post largely due to a friend of mine, who goes by the name of Princess Burlap, as I know her husband has AS as well, and understanding him is probably as difficult for her, as understanding me is for my fiance. Her blog helped me see a few glimpses of the world from his perspective, and I hope this post (and probably some in the future) will help her, and anyone else living with/loving a person with AS understand their point a little better. Communication is crucial in any relationship (intimate, friendship, familial, etc,) and AS makes communication downright frustrating for everyone involved.
For me, (and I can only say this, as I don't know anyone else with AS to ask,) I rely heavily on mirroring for daily socialization. Unfortunately, I also don't see when that socialization includes things like flirting (if someone flirts with me, I don't "understand" it, and it doesn't come across as such to me,) which could potentially be an issue. With people close to me however, such as my fiance, I take the time to learn their individual "cues." For me, I have to learn, for example, his tone of voice for anger, for happy, for upset, etc. Each one is like a different vocabulary in a different language, and I get them mixed up. A lot. Positive emotions tend to get intermixed, negative ones, intermixed, though keeping those two categories separate is a little easier. Learning facial expressions is a little easier too, because in mirroring them, I've learned that the emotions that they evoke in me when I imitate the expression is, typically, the correct one. Body language however, means very little to me, and typically is ignored completely.
For my fiance however, the opposite is true. He has to learn to discard the information that he's used to being able to rely on for information on my emotional state. For example, my tone of voice may come across as sad, though I'm perfectly happy. Quite often I must remind him, "Listen to what I say, not how I say it." I try to imitate these things, but I can't hear them the way he does. I sound just fine to myself, but sound monotone or flat-voiced to him.
I also tend to exhibit some of the other traits common to AS: a deep attachment to a few specific people, an almost obsessive enjoyment of a very few hobbies, emotional meltdowns when plans deviate from the expected, sudden distraction by random things, and more. For example, for the longest time I was absolutely intrigued by the Mazda vehicles that look like they're smiling. I referred to them as "happy cars," and felt it necessary to announce every time I saw one, when we were on the road. While it was one thing when there was no conversation at the moment, it was quite another when we were in the middle of a conversation and I interrupted it with a sudden, "Happy car!!" exclamation.
AS isn't something that is "crippling" as most people would think of it, but it definitely impacts the way a person lives. I don't think or listen the way most do, but I still get by very convincingly in day to day life. If you're living with or know someone with AS, try asking them the way they look at the world. I guarantee you'll probably hear ab
The internet is an amazing thing/place. It is a melting pot of so many different personalities, and for some, it is a venue to socialize, as we can clearly see with the rampant popularity of social media, blogging, and podcasts. Interestingly enough, there are a lot of people out there who, like myself, happen to have trouble being as eloquent in person as we are through a screen. For some, it's a shyness factor. For others, it might be a social anxiety issue. For me, it's Asperger's Syndrome, and it's a very real thing.
Many people today hear the phrase, "Asperger's Syndrome" or "Aspie" as some call those who have it, and it conjures the image of a severely disabled autistic individual who is unable to function normally within society. Let me assure you, there are many, many of us, adults no less, who are not in that category, and unless we tell you as much, you'll probably just think we're a little weird, or in some cases, insensitive.
For those who aren't "in the know," AS is a condition that is considered to be on the Autism spectrum, however instead of entailing the verbal communication disabilities and cognitive issues that tend to surround autism, those with AS instead have issues understanding and interpreting the social cues around them. Myself, for example, have difficulty understanding one tone of voice from another, and place much more stock in what a person says over how they say it. It is quite often missed as far as diagnosis is concerned, and many people who have it, often do not find out until adulthood, well after they've discovered and created their own ways of coping and socializing. For some, this may be putting on an overly social front, being extremely outgoing, happy, and friendly, and never seeming to know when to calm down. For others, this may be going to the opposite side of the spectrum, and choosing to withdraw from people, avoiding socializing due to its difficulty. In my case, I find myself to be a fairly extroverted person, however I stay very quiet and withdrawn until I know people well enough to be able to accurately "mirror" them, reflecting their expressions and moods back to them so it gives the appearance of being in social "harmony."
I am writing this post largely due to a friend of mine, who goes by the name of Princess Burlap, as I know her husband has AS as well, and understanding him is probably as difficult for her, as understanding me is for my fiance. Her blog helped me see a few glimpses of the world from his perspective, and I hope this post (and probably some in the future) will help her, and anyone else living with/loving a person with AS understand their point a little better. Communication is crucial in any relationship (intimate, friendship, familial, etc,) and AS makes communication downright frustrating for everyone involved.
For me, (and I can only say this, as I don't know anyone else with AS to ask,) I rely heavily on mirroring for daily socialization. Unfortunately, I also don't see when that socialization includes things like flirting (if someone flirts with me, I don't "understand" it, and it doesn't come across as such to me,) which could potentially be an issue. With people close to me however, such as my fiance, I take the time to learn their individual "cues." For me, I have to learn, for example, his tone of voice for anger, for happy, for upset, etc. Each one is like a different vocabulary in a different language, and I get them mixed up. A lot. Positive emotions tend to get intermixed, negative ones, intermixed, though keeping those two categories separate is a little easier. Learning facial expressions is a little easier too, because in mirroring them, I've learned that the emotions that they evoke in me when I imitate the expression is, typically, the correct one. Body language however, means very little to me, and typically is ignored completely.
For my fiance however, the opposite is true. He has to learn to discard the information that he's used to being able to rely on for information on my emotional state. For example, my tone of voice may come across as sad, though I'm perfectly happy. Quite often I must remind him, "Listen to what I say, not how I say it." I try to imitate these things, but I can't hear them the way he does. I sound just fine to myself, but sound monotone or flat-voiced to him.
I also tend to exhibit some of the other traits common to AS: a deep attachment to a few specific people, an almost obsessive enjoyment of a very few hobbies, emotional meltdowns when plans deviate from the expected, sudden distraction by random things, and more. For example, for the longest time I was absolutely intrigued by the Mazda vehicles that look like they're smiling. I referred to them as "happy cars," and felt it necessary to announce every time I saw one, when we were on the road. While it was one thing when there was no conversation at the moment, it was quite another when we were in the middle of a conversation and I interrupted it with a sudden, "Happy car!!" exclamation.
AS isn't something that is "crippling" as most people would think of it, but it definitely impacts the way a person lives. I don't think or listen the way most do, but I still get by very convincingly in day to day life. If you're living with or know someone with AS, try asking them the way they look at the world. I guarantee you'll probably hear ab